Home for the holidays...

Here I am, back home. Merry Christmas, all.

There's certainly something to be said for the comforts of home in all its infinite familiarities. For it carries with it the scents, tastes, voices, touch of a childhood long past. For me, a childhood very long past :) It's my family, pets and friends. But the more often I am away from home, the more I realize it's not much about the actual space. It's about the people and the idea of the space. With these people, there is a notion that this place is home. I don't miss Toronto or Mississauga itself when I'm gone. I miss the people, and how they fill the space. How they use the space. And because they are the space, on occasion, I feel as though I miss the space too.

The point is, what 'home' means can change all the time. The relationships are in one way constant, yet in other ways changing all the time. Keep in touch, fight, laugh, smile, lose contact, love, hugs, tears and goodbyes. In fact, it's occurred to me that these exact same things would happen whether I stayed or not - this is just life.

I love living in Marburg. I love living in State College. I love visiting home. I feel fairly adaptable, actually. My life has been nothing if not a lesson in change and moving around. As a child, my parents moved houses 3-4 times by the time I was 10 years old. Then, they divorced and we moved again. My sister and I spent every other weekend at Dad's - and later on, at Dad & Gail's. New situations, new houses, and even new family. Adapt. Rarely was it extremely difficult, though. I love my slightly patchwork-quilty family, and always have. And, thanks to this history, I have known how to pack efficiently since I was about 14 years old :)

During my teenage years, I spent a few weeks away at camp. New situations, new people, no familiarities. I eventually fell in love with this space too because the people made it beautiful and meaningful. Then, I moved away to university...again, everything and everyone was new. Difficult? Maybe, but I adapted again and met some of my best friends.

Also, going to Germany. Every summer of undergrad I went abroad. Talk about adapting. This was a lesson in being somewhere completely different, one I could never fully describe, nor could I ever explain how appreciative I am for these completely life-changing experiences. Learning another language is to have new eyes, to re-frame the world, to understand yourself (selves) in new and unbelievable ways.

In 2007, I changed countries. I move to Pennsylvania for my PhD. This was my biggest move yet, to be sure - no fixed end date, and again, everything was new. On my own, new roommates, new city, new country. No problem? It really was quite painless - perhaps the most painless move of my entire life, actually. I love it there, as I said.

Now here I am, living in Marburg. Moving and change, I've realized, are par for the course. What is it that makes adapting a little easier for people...I've often wondered this. It's not just experience, for there are those who never feel homesick even though it's the first time that they have left home. When I first moved to Germany, I had no internet connection. But I had people. It was a blast. Now we have facebook at our fingertips every two seconds...I would be remiss if I didn't give facebook and the internet due credit, however, as I know how it feels to be somewhere unknown and immediately feel more at home with facebook open in front of me. But the truth is, the way to feel at home is not about going online and reconnecting with home for a quick fix...rather, it is about creating a new home, a new space for yourself, with new people. Building from scratch. Building takes awhile. But when you've got a few people you can rely on completely, you can survive any situation. You can adapt easily, and you will wonder why you ever felt homesick. For with this mindset, home is wherever you yourself are.

I rarely feel homesick. When I moved to Penn State I didn't get homesick once. When I moved to Marburg, I thought I might be a bit homesick the second week...but I eventually recognized the perceived homesickness for what it really was... a lack of a social life due to not knowing people. Like I said, it's never just about the physical space.

Christmas has come and gone, and I'll be visiting friends in Toronto, KW, Guelph and also in Pennsylvania in the coming 10 days. There are parts of me in all of these places. That being said, I also look forward to returning to Marburg, for I have managed to make it my current home, and I'm not done with it yet :)

Happy New Year all....cheers.